Maybe She Preferred It That Way.

No one else seemed to notice her, but I
realized maybe she preferred it that way.

-Percy Jackson and the Last Olympian

I think the best way to be strong and overcome criticism is to accept it and not be affected by it. For some reason, I quite like not being noticed sometimes — it gives me time to think and reflect upon myself. It’s like being in nature, in a way, where everything is quiet in your own head and there doesn’t seem to be anything worth worrying about. There are moments when I just want to be left alone, and not because other people want me to feel alone. Sometimes it’s a positive thing, and silence shouldn’t be used against somebody. People tend to forget that just because silence can be powerful, doesn’t mean it can’t be an advantage.

It’s the same with the whole extrovert ideal. It’s getting to the point where anybody who simply enjoys their own company is labeled with “shy” or “insecure” and just not “proactive” enough. But what is wrong with wanting to do things on your own? What if you don’t want to be noticed, and just want to live a long, happy life? What if being normal and discreet isn’t so boring? And what if being “successful” doesn’t always refer to lots of money and a doctoral degree?

Gravity

I look up to seek comfort in the sky, but I don’t feel it anymore. I don’t find what I’m looking for. The sky is Pocari blue, clouds the shape you would draw in a coloring book with crayons. But something is not there, something stolen from the bright blue which meets the gray buildings and dull mountains and the mist. Halfway down meets a defined line with bumps and crevices with green-black colored in. The peak seems further away than usual. On the second and third bumps two Eiffel Towers stick up, and a cable stretches through them. I think of birds perching to rest, and then leaving for migration. Leaving everything else behind. Sometimes I want to be like that, knowing where I need to go, not by a compass but by pure instinct, and being able to travel with the flock in a victory “V” formation.

Exist.

“You have to make people like you.” In the Hunger Games, Katniss is forced to attract attention to herself – positive attention – in order to survive. Through Suzanne Collins’ words, Katniss successfully achieves that in many ways, one way being how she pretends to be in love with Peeta Mellark on national television – this is a reasonable measure since the Hunger Games is a life and death situation, and she didn’t really have a choice. Also, despite the fact that Katniss does this in order to stand out amongst all the other tributes, I do the same in real life.

As an introvert, I now have the friends whom I rightfully deserve. I have earned love and acceptance through my quiet confidence. Through respecting myself, and the people around me. Through taking risks. Through an open mind, and through observing others. Using intelligence to tell right from wrong. Through my conscience that lead me through so many little decisions and sacrifices I had to make. Not hiding my true self but letting it out a bit at a time so others have time to warm up to me. By considering their reactions to what I do, and everything I do, and understanding that everything matters and everything is equally as important as myself, and the people I love and the things I want to achieve. Last but not least, knowing that in the end, none of these will matter unless I let them have an impact upon me, an impact that affects more than me – something that will stay with me even after I die. So I let sleeping dogs lie, because I have a choice. A significance.

I am more than this now, more than the person who used to deprive all the fun from a conversation every time she walked past a circle of girls who pressed their shoulders against one another to prevent her from squeezing in. Even more than the girl who confided to her mother whenever things didn’t work out for her and the girl who simply accepted how different she was but didn’t do anything about it. I now realize that it is impossible to wait for other people to come around and accept me; I have to learn to respect them and understand and listen to what they have to say, because that is the only way I can be accepted – not just at school, but everywhere else. So I stop being a black hole and start being more like Jupiter, the gas giant that is two and a half times the mass of all the other planets in the Solar System combined, the planet of abundance, good fortune and generosity. The colossal sphere with the trendy orange-and-blue stripes. And maybe I can be a bit of Saturn, as well, with a little halo above my head. Consequently, I always find it better to agree with other people than get them to agree with you, since conflict will only work against good reputation.

I don’t feel like I’ve changed that much since the time when I believed in letting things be – the only new thing I’ve learned about was how similar my peers and I really are. It is only now, writing this, that I discover that the natural state of things do not exist anymore; there is nothing natural about our society and how it functions, and almost everything is a result of greed. It is harder to understand, though, what this says about my previous belief. I do understand a part of it, though, and I now realize that this must be why I have decided to make a difference. I have also learned that I already have the power to change the world; I just have to choose not to let the world change me – I just have to exist.

Too Much Homework

Alright. In case you were wondering, this is why I haven’t been writing for a while. Although there are sessions in English class when we were allowed to write, I haven’t had time to edit my drafts. So they’e just sitting there right now, uninspired.

How can too much homework negatively affect kids?
They don’t have time to just be kids anymore  — they’re so bogged down. And since many of the assignments are simply busywork, learning often becomes a chore rather than a positive, constructive experience. Homework overload is also affecting family life  — a lot of kids can’t even make it to dinner, and as a result, the only interaction they have with their parents involves arguments about homework.

What are signs that your child might be getting too much?
If he starts to hate school, like my daughter did, that might be one, as are nightly hysterics over homework.

The National Education Association recommends that kids have a total of ten minutes per grade level of homework per night. Anything above that is excessive.

The bottom line is that a child will understand a concept better if he has time to work on five problems, rather than struggling to race through 50.

Borrowed from http://www.parenting.com/article/too-much-homework-bad-for-kids

I should get back to work.

The Ship

Her smile was no longer as pink as a peach. Her smile faded. Her smile vanished. Her life has vanished.The man bent over to his mom and dad who are lying on the metal platform in the refrigerated room. He brushed his fingers against their icy, cold cheeks, outlining their cheekbones. “I want to go to Japan.” The man whispered to them. “Mom, dad, please don’t ride the ship to Japan without me!” He shook his parents He shook the flour off his mother’s wet shirt. He shook his head and picked up the flour dropped on the floor, endeavoring to put the powder back on mom’s shirt. Endeavoring to revive their smiles.Gravity felt heavier than normal as his knees fell on the floor. His hands touched his forehead as if this could let him restart life and restart his relationship with mom and dad in the later years. “Don’t leave with the ship without me…”

via The Ship.

Every Cloud has a Silver Lining

A lot of us remember too much of what happened wrong and think too much about what we could have done that we forget who and what are really important to us–the people who love us. For instance, when some kids are being bullied, they feel so bad about themselves that they cut their wrists or drink bottles of bleach to end their life. Another example is that some adults are too drowned in the pool of money that when they lose a lot of money, they feel so depressed that they jump off a cliff and end their life. We often forget what’s really important to us–what are the silver linings. Our family, our loved ones. These are the things and people who are the outlines of the clouds we fall in.

via Every Cloud has a Silver Lining.

Greed and Human Extinction: How (I think) they are related

Looking at today’s society and what it has become, I often wonder if there are any people who are not driven by greed. Despite this, is greed really such a bad thing?

I noticed that, most of the time, it is greed that causes people to develop. It is greed nowadays that pushes us humans to invent new technology, because we want, and we think we need. Greed is closely related to economy, because welfare is so valued in today’s society that people simply cannot live without it.

However, we have to look at the bigger picture. Greed is “an excessive desire to acquire or possess more than what one needs” (The Free Dictionary), and is just the right word to describe the invention of advanced technology, because, firstly, we don’t necessarily need this kind of technology when all it does is let us avoid doing the dirty work ourselves. Additionally, although all of these entertainment and games, calculators, and even machines open us up to new opportunities, do we really need them? Do we really have to use all these resources to build something so nonessential, when clearly it is time to start reducing and reusing? (The research of green technology is clearly needed in our society, as well as a good way to manage our waste, but these are not influenced by greed.) Last but not least, most people today do things simply for their own economical benefits, especially in Hong Kong, where houses and apartments are immensely overpriced. Few people work purely because of their love for their job.

As the society continues to develop, and until that one day when all the resources are used up and the human race faces extinction (it is inevitable), people will be utterly oblivious to the power of the greed that drives them to their very end.

Simple Plan – Astronaut

This is currently my jam.
I like this song because it’s so… me.
It reflects how I felt (and possibly still feel) about the world and the people surrounding me. I felt like nobody really understood me, and even though some people tried to show compassion, their eyes didn’t reflect the words they said. Now I’m more understanding, of how other people my age have their own needs and concerns.
I don’t like how I’m different from everybody else. I want to grow and mature with them, not before them. Because then, I will be isolated in my own little box, in my own little category, and will often be left out of conversations.

So, tonight, I’m calling to all the astronauts out there, who feel like they don’t belong: please stay strong. Don’t ever let anybody else tell you otherwise. Don’t take the endless criticisms to heart — use them as experience, as a launching pad. Then, when you are over them and their meaningless taunts, show them who you really are. The hardest part for me was always to stay nice to the people who disliked me for pretty much two-thirds of my life. However, that is one of the most essential parts in human communication. And because there are many people out there who will discriminate, judge, and criticise, please do try to be nice.

Lyrics in the video.

Walking with God

Yesterday I went to church with Amber and met some new friends. I felt like I really connected with God because I took a step towards Him.

At Island ECC (a church), I finally met Kyle, the youth priest that Amber talked about all the time. While preaching, God sent me a message. That is if I take a step towards God, He will let me know that he is closer to me than I thought. I feel like I have taken a step towards him, and I feel closer to God than I ever had before.

Although Amber and I only attended service at Island ECC and I haven’t been to a fellowship with her, I still feel more welcome at the churches I’ve been to recently. I think it may be the different culture; Hong Kong is a fast paced city, and therefore people often don’t have time to stay and connect with each other. However, with the churches Amber has brought me to, people can stay longer, chat with you, and even pray for you.

The last time I’ve been to MIC (another church), someone prayed with me. Although I still need to get used to the English bible, I feel like I’m fitting into their culture okay, and I’m starting to really understand what Christianity is all about. I was so affected by God that, when I got home, I had a long chat with my mom (not necessarily about Christianity, but about what happened today, as we always talk about this subject) and suggested that we start reading the bible together again. I hope to maintain a good connection with God throughout my whole life.

While chatting with mom, I realized that life is very short, and when it ends, everything that we have earned will be meaningless; however, the sins we have made will be remembered by the people around us. I also understood that, if, by any chance, I lose mom earlier on in my life, I might not be strong enough. This is because I am not as close with my dad as I am with mom. Therefore, I pray that God will guide me and help me improve my relationship with dad and, hopefully, aid me in introducing dad to Christianity.

During the discussion with mom after reading the Bible, I realized that nowadays, people don’t really praise The Lord for the things he has done in the past — the ones recorded in the Bible. Maybe it’s because these things sound like myths and may not be true. But the Bible contains nothing but the truth — and God’s message (which is also part of the truth).

To think further, God has also done many things in our lives that some may believe is “pure luck.” However, everything is under His control, and therefore we should all thank Him for the little things that happen in life — the good and the bad that define who we are as people.

Furthermore, when admitting our sins to God, we should also think about how we can avoid committing these sins again. This way, we won’t be asking God for forgiveness for the same things.

Whenever I make a decision, I always feel like God is telling me what to do. God has helped me throughout my life, especially during the times when I didn’t fit in at school. I always had a “gut feeling” to say or do something at a certain time. I believe that is God talking to me, and helping me. I feel blessed that God is with me and that God listens to my prayers. It is true; God always stands by me and helps me when I need Him the most.

Right now, I am at a (to-be) Chinese doctor’s apartment, having my knee taken care of. I have had many knee injuries ever since I was 4 (I keep spraining it), and I hope that after a few month’s medical care, it will get better. This problem has bugged me for a long time and has restrained me for doing certain sports, including attendance in PE class for a few weeks.

God has answered my prayers, because right now my knee has gotten better. I pray that soon, I will be able to walk and run just fine, and that I can worry about other things.

I sincerely thank you, God, for choosing to stay by my side for so long.

Touched By An Angel

God has helped me in many ways, and after a night of prayers in the Methodist International Church (MIC), a church my good friend Amber recommended, I realised how much He has helped me grow over the years. I decided to dedicate this post to Him, because I haven’t truly understood Christ’s love towards us until today. God has answered every single prayer I have ever uttered and thus I praise Him.

Whenever I felt alone at school, I would always pray that I would eventually find myself and my place in the world. I prayed for the ability to accept others no matter what, and for the knowledge I would find through this experience. I prayed selfishly, for love and acceptance from others. Despite my sins, God has, with patience, taught me how to love and cherish — I have found my place in this world, through a lot of things. In thirteen years, I have developed my personality and gave myself an identity. Through my mother, God has spoken to me and empathised with my thoughts and feelings. It was — and still is — also through my mother did God inspire me, guide me, and help me mature. Just like in my prayers, I have learned, through the past thirteen years of my life, through my want for acceptance and love, how to love others. I am still learning, with great progress, how to love others unconditionally. I prayed for the ability to overcome my social difficulties, (or as my mother says, adversities,) and I did. While doing so, I also learned how to let go of the little upsetting things in life and be a little more optimistic.

I have never truly felt like I belonged in my previous church, the Kowloon City Baptist Church. So every night when I prayed, I would also pray for a church where I could belong and feel loved. Though uttered halfheartedly due to my lack of courage to step up and reach outside my comfort zone, this prayer has just recently been answered. Along with my prayer for a good friend who listens to me and understands, God has lead me to Amber, who in turn introduced me to this new church, MIC. I am willing to take a bus over to Hong Kong Island every week just to go to this church, because I have received such a warm welcome when I first arrived only a few days ago. And just a few hours ago, during Prayer Night, I was touched by how much acceptance and understanding I had received. This is more than I had ever asked for. 271 Queen’s Road East, Wan Chai; I will forever remember this place where I finally and truly felt God’s love.

God has not only answered my prayers, but He has also taught me how to live — at least till now. It’s like a buy-two-get-one-free package. Except for one thing: these things can never be bought; they are worth way more.

In my prayers are the millions and trillions of people in need. As for myself, I pray for the ability to love unconditionally, for courage, for knowledge, and for the chance to spread the word of Lord Jesus. Though this is a lot to ask for, I know I will learn in time.

O God, what have you planned for me next? I look forward to it, no matter what it is.

Thank you, God, for the little miracles in life!